Today is the initiative by Bell Aliant to talk about mental health struggles. I share mine today because its important to break down the stigma associated with struggles.
#Bellletstalk I have been struggling everyday since my daughter had her breakdown in our kitchen on November 18/2011. For 17months we struggled as a family trying to find help for her. Desperate and lost we often did not recognize the girl we once knew. She was changed, different and we were forced to watch the tower of strength begin to crumble before our eyes. You see Rehtaeh had the world at her fingertips and she had so much she wanted to do/see in this world. She always was the definition of strength and vulnerability. I admired those traits in her because I knew those qualities would take her far in life.
When she lost her battle in April 2013 another level of trauma began for us – how to live without her in our lives. Another level of PTSD added to the mounting episodes throughout life and being broken WIDE OPEN while two little girls looked on. Looking to their broken mother for guidance and strength to make sense of this pain.
Almost three years later the struggles are daily and far reaching on every level of daily life. There are too many to list but in my darkest moments I also found peace. There is a short window of desperation where you are begging for any type of relief and the light dimly shines through. If you do not hold on to the glimmer it will close leaving anger/bitterness. I grabbed on and found love within choosing to be kind and caring to myself.I refused to be bitter and angry. Having emotional struggles and sharing does not make one weak it makes one strong. It shows tremendous courage and I know that I am a warrior of wisdom because of my pain and suffering. The struggles do not suddenly disappear instead a synergy of emotions evolve and it unfolds into the story of our life.