Another gay kid trying to kill himself?
Dear sir or madam,
Here is my story from JMA Armstrong School, the school I have been going to since grade 6.
My name is Adam Roberts and I am an openly gay male in the small town of Salisbury New Brunswick. In grade 8 it all started, the belligerent words and actions that included the dirty looks, being called a faggot over and over again. Have you ever been called something that over time tore down your mental health onepiece at a time? I have. I was assaulted one day at recess, a rope being tied around my neck until I choked and then he proceeded to ram my head into a brick wall.
Do you know how it is to come to school, lookinto a person’s eyes and say “I’m ok”? When you really feel like shoving a gun down your throat and blowing your brains out? I said it all the time to my mom, friends, and in my eyes no one could know what I felt like. In grade 9 by late February the bullying for so bad I felt like the one way out was to kill myself and no matter what it was the only way out. As a way to cope, I was also cutting myself on a regular basis. I have the scars to show.
On April 8th 2012 I took 70 pills and waited to die. Fell back on my bed, closed my eyes said goodbye to everybody who said they loved me. I felt the life being drained from me I felt weaker and weaker, ready to die. As a result I spent 7 weeks in the hospital and failed grade 9.
Grade 9 again… New kids… i thought it might be a new start but I was so wrong. Going back to being called faggot again but this time it was worse it wasn’t just 2 to 5 times. I was being called 5 to 10 demeaning words a weekand there was no end in sight. About a week ago people were telling me to go kill myself and as a result I’m debating cutting again. I ask myselfeveryday when will the name calling stop?When will it be safe for me to go back to school? And why can’t people just accept me for me. I am a good person and I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I have made several attempts to have the gay issue addressed at my school but nothing is getting fixed. Several other students at my school have told me they don’t feel safe at school either. My family and I have been through enough.
It is time for this to stop.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Adam.
Update 30 April 2013 5:00 PM AST: Where it stands now, due to all the bullying etc, Adam has been in the hospital for several weeks now, under observation & ongoing struggles to cope with all that has happened.
again…how is it possible that NO “adult” apparently sees? How?
As Martin Luther king said: Man’s inhumanity to man is not only perpetrated by the vitriolic actions of those who are bad. It is also perpetrated by the vitiating inaction of those who are good.
Are you kidding me? I can’t believe homophobia still runs so rampant in this day and age, it is the 21st century people! Although not surprising since much of NB is considered the Bible belt of Canada, so that just means Salisbury full of homophobic, racist rednecks..shame on all of you esp the “responsible” adults..stay strong Adam you are doing nothing wrong, its them..God bless you
hi im adam and i just like to say thank you for you kind words and i know how it is in salisbury pathedic
Dear Adam,
Please hold on. I know how difficult this daily harrasment is. I am fighing to have a rapist stopped from destroying more lives. I am stalked and harrased daily. You
are stronger then you think. Highschool wil not
last forever. You are strong enough to help others.
Know this is your purpose. We must stand up against cruel thoughtless people who destroy lives we love you Adam. You are a are
important to the world.
one thought I use to
getthrough each day is that there is a reason for all this.
God has a purpose for us Adam. We are here to
See, Salisbury has an immense array of Churches for such a small population. There’s, Baptist, Catholic, Anglican, United and Jehovah witness congregations within the Village limits. This for a population around 2000 at the time I was living there. There really is a conservative traditionalist set there, with a “this is how it is…” approach. We listen to our elders. We quite often end up claiming that our elders will be the correct answer, no matter the reasoning. (even a ’tis cause that’s what it is.) There is also a very good set of morals there for the most part. Unfortunately, we can’t keep it as an “all’s well”.
I do check up on the news from back home from time to time, and I came across this article. Sadly, the first thought that came to my mind was:
Same old Salisbury then.
I can only estimate the number of fights I was in back there at over 1500. For me, the physical attacks started around grade 4, and didn’t really stop until high school.
Now, this wasn’t exactly an “all their fault” routine as to how astronomically high the count got. It kept me alive and out of slavery. It may seem harsh, but to a certain extent, it was by my own choosing.
And yes. I am being honest. Put bluntly, name calling started even earlier then Grade 4. I was weird. Not “gay weird”, or the like, simply odd. With a funny voice. And an odd way to looking at things. Sometimes too stubborn for my own good. That is just me. Given the early age for which this started at, I got to become observant of what was going on. I listened to what people said, but still had to make my own choices.
I could see what was happening. The word “gay” started to appear. Or liking other guys. What have you. My parents are somewhat conservative and I had no idea what “gay” meant, so I said no to some of them when those statements first started. Mostly, I chose that answer because there was undertones of threat in a fair number of people’s voices. Around the same time was when the physical attacks started. Not too many at first, but enough to really shake up your confidence.
Of course, everybody’s reason for starting to fight me was for their own personal reasons. Some were just rough housing. Some were because “I talked funny.” Grade 5 and 6 rolled around, and there was some hope from some people, but there wasn’t an actual way to get me out of that situation that I could see. I had a bit of a talent for self defense. With experience thrown in, I kind of ended up in a position where it was very difficult to become a victim where the law could actually help a confused child.
But at the same time, we grow with our understanding of the world around us, and you also start getting introduced to politics around that age. History, mostly. You do however end up noticing some conversations that adults have. Around this time, the Pride movement was gaining ground. The beginnings of talks about gay marriage and the like. Equality.
This was near the time when as a child, I would have gone to seek adult help. Events however, provided data which prevented me from doing so. The guidance counselor had to make a statement that by law he had to provide equal care to gay students, even though he was against the homosexual propaganda. At the same time, the churches were beginning the lobbying for the anti-marriage campaign, years before it even really hit the political stage.
At the same time, my older sister came out as a lesbian. I got to find out that mother “would not have homosexuality in the house.” The foot came down kind of statement. No to be clear, I am and was absolutely safe with my mother.
But my dad’s heart to heart wasn’t so nice. If I was the good son I was supposed to be, I should of grabbed one of his guns, gone out to the woods and killed myself. His words.
I ended up in a hard position to weather the storm. A couldn’t very well get out cleanly, which was the problem. Too good at self defense now due to experience to even get by with letting myself loose a fight, nor could I really win them, as that would of caused “the adults” to find out. I have already had utterances of “death” thrown in with the regular jargon by that time as well.
Keeping people not hurt for the most part was difficult. Only a couple accidental injuries. A few mistakes here and there on my part. At this point, we’re up to grade 8 or 9. I already had pegged the guy that would kill me if given the chance, and I knew there was an “underground” area of drug trade going on for which I couldn’t get involved with in any way. No bargaining power.
The first time I was offered slavery, it was all gentlemen-like. 4 kids near my age came up with what they thought was reasonable. I was to agree to slavery so that I could remain in the community. The actual request took me a bit by surprise. They made their piece concerning ‘betterment”, and I responded in kind and declined since slavery itself wouldn’t actually provide any improvement. To do so would “just be dumb.” They left.
Not long after, 3 kids came and tried to force me into slavery physically. I had to choose to cause some physical discomfort. For the most part, that was that for the slavery. Only offered it by one other person, who gave my future life options I was heading towards as being killed or committing suicide.
At this time, the death threats became real. I was warned about them.
One of the things about it all, was there really were people willing to help. Unfortunately, most of them were children, and none of them were at the “right” spot on the field for me to really use as a defense if I had to. If I had known about one or two of them a year earlier, I likely could of done things differently. Instead, I had to keep certain distances away from certain individuals. I used the excuse “to keep them safe.”
High school started rolling around at the time of the warning, and I really did get saved a couple of times from physical harm by passers-by. For good or bad? Who knows, really. I still appreciated their intervention.
Admittedly, I still made a few other mistakes after high school, but those are mine. ^_^
thanks you so much for ythe time that it took to write this if you could add me ofacebook so we can talk on there i cant write much im in class right now hope to talk to you soon and its the profile picture with me with makeup on <3